


Welcome to Club Knocked Up

by here_comes_the_moose



Series: What to Expect When Your Demon's Expecting [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M, Morning Sickness, Mpreg, Pregnant Crowley (Good Omens), Unplanned Pregnancy, Vomiting, pregnancy announcement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:41:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23970985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/here_comes_the_moose/pseuds/here_comes_the_moose
Summary: After feeling nauseous and moody for a few days, Crowley finds out that he is unexpectedly pregnant with Aziraphale's baby and tries to figure out how to break the news to the angel.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: What to Expect When Your Demon's Expecting [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1728184
Comments: 4
Kudos: 150





	Welcome to Club Knocked Up

_Shit shit shit shitshitshitshit SHIT!_ Crowley thinks you himself as he stares down at the positive pregnancy test. He had been feeling awful and throwing up for the past week or so, as well as feeling extremely tired and moody. He didn’t think it could have been due to pregnancy, until he went into his snake form yesterday and Aziraphale pointed out that he was looking a bit thicker, happy that Crowley was eating well. That was the biggest clue since he had been eating a lot more frequently lately and had noticed a bit of a new softness around his lower abdomen, hips, thighs, and butt, much to Aziraphale’s delight.

_Fuck. Aziraphale._

Crowley had no idea what the angel would say or think. Did Aziraphale even want kids? Sure, he liked The Them and Warlock, and had helped him sneak some children onto the ark, but there was a reason he didn't want to be Warlock's nanny, or why he seemed a bit tense whenever a child entered the bookshop. Aziraphale respected children, and liked children, and was kind to children, as angels are supposed to be, but he was not a fan of how messy they could be, or how they liked to touch everything in sight, or bother him while he was reading. How did this even happen? Obviously he and Aziraphale had a lot of sex, they were a married couple with endless stamina after all, but how could he have gotten pregnant?

A small, unnaturally bright white paper lands in his hands.

_Crowley,_

_I have looked upon you and Aziraphale with great favor, blessing your union and allowing for you two to be together. As part of this favor, and due to the fact that you and Aziraphale are not bound my the laws of nature, I have decided to answer your desire for a child._

_-God_

Crowley looks at the note in disbelief. He hadn't thought he and Aziraphale would be permitted to have a child. Getting their marriage blessed was one thing, but this was a whole new entity that no one knew what would happen once he or she was born. Crowley felt a bit sick.

"Crowley, dearest," Aziraphale knocks and calls through the door, "you've been in there for quite a bit, are you feeling alright?"

"I'll be out in a minute, Angel," Crowley replies. "Just some stomach upset." He wasn't lying; his stomach always got horribly queasy when he was under a lot of stress. He wrapped up the positive pregnancy test and stuck it in his jacket pocket before washing his hands and exiting the bathroom to see Aziraphale looking quite worried.

"Oh, dear, you haven't been feeling well at all these past few days," Aziraphale frowns, brushing Crowley's hair out of his face. "Do you want me to cancel our dinner plans for later, since you're not feeling too well?"

"Nah, that's alright, I'm feeling a bit better now," Crowley replies. "Must've been an off thing."

"Maybe you ate something? I know you didn't used to eat quite as frequently, so maybe it just irritated your system," Aziraphale frets. "Oh, maybe I should cancel our reservation and I can just make you a light soup and some crackers and rice and brew some tea for you."

"Thank you, but that's not necessary for tonight, angel," Crowley says. "Besides, I was really looking forward to my beef Wellington and a nice chocolate soufflé for dessert." Crowley felt his mouth already watering just at the thought.

"Alright dear, we'll go out for dinner, only because your eyes have gone full snake, but the second you feel even slightly ill we're leaving," Aziraphale says.

\----------------

The drive to the Ritz is at a surprisingly normal pace, which alarms Aziraphale since Crowley always drives so fast. Crowley shrugged it off as just wanting to take in the scenery and spend time with his angel, but in reality, he was worried about something going wrong that would harm the baby. They sit at their usual table and Aziraphale is looking over the menu when their usual waitress, Nancy, walks over to them.

"Mr. Fell! Mr. Crowley! Always such a pleasure to see you two. How are you both?" Nancy asks.

"We're splendid, just out for a little date night," Aziraphale says cheerfully. "I love your hair, is that a new color?"

"Yes, thank you for noticing," Nancy beams. "Now, we got a case of wine in this morning that I think you two will really enjoy. Shall I bring over two glasses?"

"Just bring a whole bottle please," Aziraphale replies. Nancy knows them and their tastes so well, so Aziraphale knows he and Crowley will love this new wine.

"Actually, just a sparkling water for me, please," Crowley says.

Aziraphale's mouth drops open and Nancy looks a bit confused, but nevertheless replies, "Of course, Mr. Crowley. I'll bring your wine and sparkling water over shortly. And I'm assuming you two want your usual starters?" 

"Yes please," Aziraphale smiles happily. "My dear husband has been looking forward to the crab all week." Nancy nods and smiles before leaving their table and Aziraphale turns to Crowley. "You didn't want any wine, my dear?"

Crowley wonders if he should break the news about the baby now, but he simply shrugs and says, "Just figured it's best not to have any wine now, since my corporation's been so tetchy lately."

"Aziraphale nods and says, "Yes, probably best not to risk it. Now what should I order? The duck looks nice, and the lamb is always scrumptious, but oh, that dish over there..."

\----------------

Dinner goes by without any issues. Aziraphale end up getting the dish the lady at next table had and ended up loving it, and Crowley had tried a few bites and loved it too. Crowley absolutely devoured his beef Wellington after allowing Aziraphale a small bite. Aziraphale smiled at his demon's newly-acquired appetite, and wondered if he should start trying out some new recipes at home for Crowley to try. However, Aziraphale did not smile as much when Crowley ate almost a quarter of his raspberry soufflé after finishing his own chocolate one.

After dinner was when everything went wrong. 

Aziraphale always enjoyed having an espresso after dinner, whereas Crowley usually favored an after-dinner liquor. For obvious reasons, Crowley would not be having that today, which just left Aziraphale with his espresso. 

Crowley wasn't sure what it was, but the espresso smelled way too strong and absolutely terrible, it was making his head spin. To make things worse, there was a very strong-smelling fish coming from a table near them combined with the stench of a very strong perfume. Crowley's stomach churned and sweat prickled on his forehead and the back of his neck. 

"Dear, you've gone awfully pale, are you feeling ill?" Aziraphale asks, sipping his espresso.

"No... just-" Crowley swallows back some bitter-tasting saliva, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth. "Need some air." Crowley gets up slowly, so he doesn't get more dizzy or alarm his angel, and calmly walks away from the table. The second he's out of Aziraphale's sight, he speed-walks as fast as he can without drawing too much attention to himself to the restroom. He bursts into the room, startling the attendant and immediately locks himself into a stall. He then lowers himself on his knees and takes shallow breaths and spits into the toilet. 

"Sir, is everything alright?" the attendant calls, though Crowley is hardly paying attention through the blood rushing in his ears and the awful nausea and dizziness that has enveloped him. His stomach lurches painfully and he retches loudly, the sound echoing off the bowl and in the marble of the restroom. 

"I'll go see if I can get some help, sir," the attendant says. Just when Crowley opens his mouth to say that he doesn't need help and has this all under control, he vomits. His eyes water as he keeps vomiting up awful-tasting liquid and thinks to himself that now beef Wellington, soufflé, and crab is now permanently ruined for him. It was definitely not a great mix, and definitely tasted and looked much better the first time. _Must be having a girl._ Crowley thinks to himself, recalling something he read or heard somewhere a while back that said the more sick a pregnant woman feels, the more likely she is to be having a girl. He's pretty sure it's an old wives' tale, but he can't think of any other reason to be feeling so horrible. Well, besides the baby growing inside him.

"Crowley, dear, it's Aziraphale, I heard you weren't feeling well," Aziraphale says as he enters the restroom. Crowley responds by vomiting again. "I'm coming in, dear, this nice gentleman is unlocking the door for me. He came into the restaurant saying a tall redhead was sick in the restroom and Nancy said it was you, since she saw you looking a bit peaky before coming in here."

The door clicks and Aziraphale enters to see his husband hunched over the toilet and "puking his guts out", as the humans would say.

"Oh, you poor thing, you're really ill," Aziraphale says, sitting on the floor and rubbing Crowley's back. Crowley's only response is a burp and a painful-sounding retch. Aziraphale stays rubbing the demon's back until the retching dies down and Crowley shakily flushes the toilet, looking miserable and horribly embarrassed, and still feeling extremely nauseous. Aziraphale helps him up and leads him over to the sink to wash his face and rinse out his mouth.

"The nice gentleman got this mouthwash from the front desk, and is outside to make sure no one enters the restroom," Aziraphale says. Crowley nods and swishes the mouthwash in his mouth before spitting it out with a small gag at the taste."I already paid and tipped, so we can just head back home, dearest." Aziraphale helps Crowley out of the bathroom, tips the restroom attendant quite nicely, and then leads the nauseated demon to the car. Crowley doesn't even acknowledge Aziraphale sitting him in the passenger seat.

"I hope you're feeling better," Aziraphale says, driving through the street. "No need to feel embarrassed, dearest, Nancy was very worried about you, and everyone gets sick in public at one point or another. No one will even think of it. And if they do, well, let's just say they won't be thinking about much for maybe five minutes. I could alter their memories if you'd like? Oh, I knew we should've stayed home. But you-"

"Pull over," Crowley groans. "'M gonna vomit."

"Oh, right, dear hold on," Aziraphale quickly and smoothly pulls the car over. Crowley opens the door and leans his head out to throw up while Aziraphale rubs his back. Crowley then straightens up and closes the door, feeling much better after throwing up that time.

"Here, love, let me wipe your mouth," Aziraphale frets, pulling out a handkerchief and wiping Crowley's mouth. "Do you feel any better?"

"Much, actually," Crowley replies, offering the angel a small smile. "Let's head back home."

When they get home, Crowley immediately goes upstairs and goes to sleep, exhausted from the day's events; between finding out about the pregnancy and spending a good part of the past hour and a half throwing up, anyone would have needed a nap. When Aziraphale goes upstairs to bed after doing some reading, he notices that Crowley has a hand resting on his stomach.

\----------------

The next morning, about an hour or so after waking up, Aziraphale hears Crowley groan next to him. He looks over from his book and sees that Crowley is awake and looking rather pale.

"Good morning, my dear," Aziraphale says. "Feeling better today?"

Crowley hesitates. He doesn't want to lie and say he feels fine, but he also doesn't want Aziraphale to wonder what's happening since he still doesn't know how to break the news to the angel. Downplaying it is then. 

"Just a bit nauseous," he replies. Understatement of the year.

"Oh, let me get you some tea and saltines," Aziraphale says, getting up and putting on a robe to cover up before going to the kitchen. Crowley places an arm over his eyes and tries to breathe through the nausea, cursing whoever decided morning sickness was the way to get mothers excited about the joy of pregnancy. He rubs his still-mostly-flat stomach soothingly. Aziraphale returns with the tea and saltines, and Crowley takes some small sips of the tea and nibbles on the saltines. Thankfully, they stay down and his stomach is actually feeling better.

Until he gets up from the bed.

He feels awfully lightheaded and stumbles a bit before Aziraphale catches him and lays him back down. He blinks a few times to get the dizziness to leave, then Aziraphale speaks up.

"I'm worried about you, dearest," he says. "You've been sick all week and just now you seemed ready to faint. Do you want to see Sister Mary?" Sister Mary was their go-to for whenever one of them was sick or noticed something off, since she had a medical background and knowledge of the occult.

"Nah, angel, it's fine I just got up too fast," Crowley says, slowly sitting up on the bed. "Must've been those rotten eggs from the other day. Probably messed with me for this time." The first day of Crowley's sickness had occurred when Aziraphale had felt like baking a cake with Crowley. Unfortunately, when it came time for Crowley to take the eggs out of the fridge, there was such an awful, rotting smell coming from them that caused Crowley to rush over to the sink and get violently ill for about ten minutes, much to Aziraphale's concern and horror. Aziraphale had been forced to throw the eggs out, even though he didn't smell anything out the ordinary, since there must have been something wrong with them to give Crowley such a reaction.

"Ah, alright," Aziraphale says, not looking convinced. "Maybe we should go to the park and feed the ducks. Some fresh air should do you good."

Crowley smiles.

\----------------

They had been feeding the ducks and talking for about twenty minutes on their favorite bench, and Crowley was enjoying himself. The fresh air had him feeling great and not at all nauseous, and he was looking over at the ice cream vendor every now and then, when he and Aziraphale noticed a father pushing a stroller while walking with two small children. Crowley couldn't help but smile and feel very warm and fuzzy inside from the sight; every time he saw a baby or kids, Aziraphale always joked that he would get "baby fever", which wasn't really too far off. Maybe now would be the perfect time to tell Aziraphale about their baby.

However, just when Crowley turns to Aziraphale, one of the children screams loudly and throws himself on the floor, obviously getting ready to throw a tantrum. The other child finds this hilarious, and throws herself on the floor as well, laughing and shrieking, much to the father's, and Crowley's, horror. 

"C'mon buddy, we can get ice cream later, but first we need to meet mummy for lunch when she gets off work," the father explains. Reasoning with a toddler, however, is futile, and the son continues screaming. "Hey, bud, don't get upset, look I'll pick you up on my shoulders if you stop." This gets the toddler to stop throwing a fit, and he gets up and makes grabby hands. This, unfortunately, makes the other toddler start a tantrum, upset at the fact that _she_ isn't being carried. The dad sighs and looks defeated, but then gets an idea. 

"Hey, look you can stand on the stroller and look at the baby for a while, then we can take turns being on my shoulder. How does that sound?" the toddler sniffs and gets up, walking over to the stroller and standing on it. Crowley internally sighs in relief for the dad being able to calm not one, but two screaming toddlers, and watches them walk away with fondness and longing.

"Oh dear, toddlers are a bit of a handful, aren't they," Aziraphale chuckles. "Imagine us with a little one throwing a tantrum; it would probably be a disaster." 

Although Crowley knows Aziraphale doesn't mean anything by it, probably referring to time when Warlock threw a tantrum and Aziraphale tried to calmly explain that he was making a scene and not acting in a very dignified manner, Crowley feels tears spring to his eyes as his stomach sinks. He sniffs, trying to get the tears to stop, because he is _not_ about to cry in this park, but some tears roll down his cheeks, which Aziraphale notices.

"Oh, Crowley, what's the matter?" Aziraphale asks. "Are you feeling ill again? It's alright, no need to get upset." That just makes Crowley cry more, and the demon lets out a small sob, much to Aziraphale's horror. "Oh dear, is it because the child threw himself on the floor? It's alright, small children do that all the time, no need to fret." The first time Warlock had thrown himself on the floor, Crowley had almost had a heart attack, thinking for sure that something was wrong with the child he had already grown quite attached to.

"Do you not want children, angel?" Crowley sobs. Aziraphale is taken aback and looks stunned, not having expected that question. Crowley takes it as Aziraphale not wanting them and sobs harder.

"Crowley, what's gotten into you to make you so upset?" Aziraphal asks, rubbing Crowley's shoulder.

"I'm pregnant," Crowley sobs softly, not wanting to look at Aziraphale.

"My dear boy, that's wonderful news!" the angel exclaims after a few seconds of initial shock, placing his hand on Crowley's. "Is that why you've been feeling ill the past few days?" Crowley sniffles and nods and Aziraphale beams. "We're going to be parents! Oh my dearest, I love you so much. You're so amazing and wonderful, I love you! Oh, dear, may I?" Aziraphale points to Crowley's stomach and Crowley nods. Aziraphale places a warm hand to Crowley's stomach, which is still pretty flat but definitely has the tiniest bump that would look like bloating to someone who wasn't looking for anything in particular. 

"I was worried you wouldn't want a baby," Crowley sobs. "Since they're messy and wouldn't let you read."

"My dear boy, of course I want a baby with you," Aziraphale says, kissing Crowley on the cheek. "Yes, babies are messy and I wouldn't have as much time to read as I do now, but I don't care. That's just a small price to pay for the joy of starting a family with you, the love of my life. I want this baby. Wait, you also want this baby, right?"

"Of course!" Crowley exclaims, smiling and still crying. "I've dreamt of getting married and having babies with you for as long as I can remember."

"Oh, dear, I'm so happy!" Aziraphale exclaims, now crying as well. "We're having a baby!"

Crowley laughs and cries, "Yes angel, we're having a baby."


End file.
